My Dance With Sacred Union

Dance of Sacred Union

My Childhood Experience

My dance of sacred union begins in childhood, where the foundation of my experience with the masculine was laid. This foundation was built by my Father and Step-Father.

At the hands of my Father I experienced sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. He had temper, a backhand that would find my cheek if I dared step out of line, and a 2×4 with a handle to ensure that line was held. My Father ran his world through control, repression of expression, and the expectation that we stay small and out of his way. The sexual abuse took the form of molestation from the ages 2 – 12, along with verbal exploitation of my body with his buddies.

It didn’t matter how my father treated me, I still loved him and wanted to earn his love and approval. I was a Daddy’s girl and hold incredibly fond memories of camping, 4 wheeling, hiking, fishing, and watching/helping him work on cars and do maintenance around the house.

My Step-Father was volatile and had an explosive temper. Living in his house meant walking on eggshells, waiting for the next bomb to go off. He was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to my Mother. As my Brother got older he felt a responsibility to protect my mother from this abuse, and ended up in several physical altercations with my Step-Father as a result.

My overall foundational experience of the masculine was volatile, deeply unsafe, repressive, controlling, manipulative, unstable, and sexually exploitive. I learned to stay small, keep quiet, and out of the way. The rage built up inside my body ensured I’d never find myself stuck into the corners I imagined others were always placing me in. My tender heart and womb were suffocated with walls of armor made from rationale and logic, intended to protect me from painful experiences… However, the pain always made it’s way through and became locked underneath all those layers of armor next to my tender heart.

My Relationships

These experiences and the coping mechanisms I employed saw me become defensive, hard, aggressive, and somewhat cold . I chose relationships that reflected all of this to me in the form of men who were emotionally unavailable, resisted commitment and lacked depth of intimately. I felt starved for masculine attention and would seek to meet this need through exploitation of my own body in the form of promiscuity and hyper sexualization.

My search led me into various organized religions in my desire to find answers and my own identity. Eventually, I swung to the opposite side of the spectrum when I became a fully covering Muslim woman. For many years I used my clothing as a physical barrier from a world where I felt unsafe to be seen.

During that time, I entered into a loveless marriage that was more business contract than union. No bond was formed and no real affection was shared. I felt unseen and unknown. I completed my duties as best I could, appreciated the kindness and provision that my husband provided, and gave birth to two beautiful little girls.

Becoming a Mother immediately thrust me into the deepest, purest, and most unfettered love that I had ever experienced. I was in a complete state of bliss and found the connection I so craved filled by this perfect, pure, innocent little being.

After the birth of my second daughter, the duties of motherhood shouldered alone became overwhelming and my nervous system hit it’s limit. I began losing my temper and yelling at my sweet innocent babies. I felt like I was losing control and I saw how much my actions were hurting my children emotionally and mentally.

The kick I needed came when my oldest was just 2 years old and asked me, “Mommy, why are you so mad all the time?”. My heart shattered and I knew that something needed to be done. My inner work started there at the age of 32.

Wisdom and Gifts Revealed

My dance of sacred union is woven with many modalities, including: psych-k, level-up, kundalini, womb awakening, plant medicine, embodiment, biomancy, and study of the archetypes. I have apprenticed under amazing mentors and received certifications in reiki, embodiment, coaching, and womb shamanism.

From almost the very beginning I connected deeply with the masculine and feminine energies. I felt drawn to a deeper understanding and a yearning to explore what these energies felt and expressed through my own being.

As I delved into this space, I felt my calling to hold a sacred space for others to explore these energies within them as well.  I began holding workshops on divine masculine and feminine energies. I became a guide for shamanic journeys into the depths of the feminine to discover and reclaim embodied power.

In my own work, I began to feel myself open as a vessel, a serene womb space, a refuge for others to process the alchemical work of sacred union. To my surprise, I felt deeply called to hold this space, particularly for the Masculine.

More than two years went by without me speaking of my calling. During this time I was traversing deep layers of my own masculine wounds and releasing my own armor. I was learning to open, soften, and receive.

The dragon energy of my wild, feminine initiatrix ruthlessly cultivated the soils of my inner garden. Her fierce love and steady presence held me as layers of beliefs and experiences stripped away. I lie bare in the fertile, muddied soils of my own inner world, held by the Mother herself as she rebirthed me over and over. A balm of light entered my tender womb, and the pain of the past began to release from my body.

Each rebirth brought with it clarity and wisdom; deep opening into tenderness and compassion, fortified by an inner strength of honoring, intuition, and discernment.

I am cultivating my own relationship of inner union, as well as my relationship with the elements and the universe itself. The welcoming of my own partner in Sacred Union to explore this dance between lovers has proven to hold the greatest unfolding yet, with a whisper at depths yet to be explored.

As I step into this dance of union with my beloved, I begin to feel what it was to hold the masculine in a new way. I feel my experience of receiving and being held by the masculine come full circle, and it has become clear that it is time for me to step forward. To open myself, and bare my heart and soul gifts to the world as I become a safe refuge for the masculine to alchemize his own inner union.

This space I offer is a balm of receptivity, acceptance, unconditional love, compassion, and tenderness… while also wielding a fierce, mystical, and wild feminine power – the keys to alchemical transformation and rebirth of the soul.

My deepest desire is to support men in reclaiming their own unique essence of power, potency, and purpose; to reunite them with their inner feminine and reawaken them as the Kings they are; to support them in their own divine dance of union with their beloved; to see our world alive with powerful leaders and protectors who build a vision of united communities. Our Kings hold the gift of providing a safe container for our Queens to open into full receptivity. This union is a magnetizing force of abundance, love and wisdom which nourishes our families and communities.

I believe Sacred Union in all of it’s forms holds the key to thriving relationships, communities, and economies. I am cultivating my own small part of this vision with those I touch and receive with my gifts.